This post was initially posted anonymously on a “no name” blog I was writing. I no longer can sustain having multiple blogs, so I am transferring some of the content here.
A personal opinion based on my own life experience.
It is difficult for me to believe in friendship in general. I have heard great stories about friendship, I have watched movies, I have read about it. But I have never seen it with my own eyes.
All the friendships, I have ever created, regardless with women or men, went crumbling down, leaving behind them only the firm proof that friendship does not exist in nature.
I must tell you, that I am of very naive and romantic nature. I tend to idealize people and I give my 100 per cent in any relationship. I used to give. Not any more. After so many pieces of my heart taken away, I retreated from communication on friendly basis. My closest circle is my family.
I believe friendship is very much like politics. It is driven by interests. There is no unconditional love in friendship. You like to spend your time with someone, their presence enriches you and makes you feel good. There’s your interest! You don’t become friends with people you don’t like or out of compassion. Unlike family, one can choose their friends. And one can decide whether or not a person will stay in their life.
I might have some vague tiny sparkle of hope regarding friendship between people of the same sex, but I completely reject the possibility of friendly and pure communication between a woman and a man.
While in their early childhood years, a boy and a girl can be great buddies. They don’t think about gender at that point. Children tend to choose people by their attitude to them, not by gender or other dividing criteria.
The moment of maturing, when sex becomes an issue, the opportunity to be friends with the opposite sex vanishes. Even if you are on very good terms with someone and you feverishly believe you are “just friends”, you are not. Either yours, or the other person’s subconscious is desiring something more. No one will waste their precious time on a relationship without the hope of it leading them somewhere.
1. Just Friends – Nothing else unites you, besides the fact that you work together or like spending time together once in a while. This is the case, when there is hope and hidden attraction. There is the hope, that “just friends” will become more, will turn into a romantic relationship.
2. Friends With Your Partner – It is great to be part of a couple where there is also friendship besides anything else. But would you still be friends if everything else is out of the equation?
I had, what I believed to be friendship with a guy, a few times in my life. Every time it would turn out that either me or the guy were expecting something more. Sometimes I wasn’t even recognizing it at the beginning.
I had a couple of times, when I was “stupid” enough to say that I like and love my buddy as a brother. After that, there was no longer a buddy to be seen.
I once had a case where a close friend of mine (I thought of him as a close friend) admitted he had romantic feelings for me. This made me withdraw and all the fun time we used to have together was gone forever.
3. A Moment Of Weakness – Imagine you have a really great relationship with a person from the opposite sex. Let’s even call it friendship. You share, you support each other, you love to hang out. And one day that person has trouble on the love front. They come to you for a shoulder to cry on, or just complain, or tell you all the reasons why that person is “Such a bitch/moron”. (Excuse my French, please). You have some wine. And then some more. The situation and the wine make you vulnerable too. You too have some romantic troubles. And from word to word, and sip to sip, the borders melt and before you know it you wake up in the same bed with your “best male/female” friend.
No, you will not make it a romantic relationship, but from there on your friendship will never be the same. And the risk such thing to happen is hanging over any type of friendship you might have with the opposite sex.
4. You Either Marry Him Or Lose Him To His Wife – Because his wife in most cases will believe the same as me. There is no friendship between women and men, and what exactly do you do spending so much time together?
You either have to marry your so called friend, because this is what you want from him and mask it as a friendship. Or lose that relationship when one of you gets into a really serious romantic connection with someone else.
5. Do You Trust Your Same Sex Friends With Your Partner? – Really. Do you trust your husband/wife enough and your girlfriends or buddies? How many stories do we have of adultery with her best friend or his? How many books and movies have been inspired by this story line!
In other words all type of communication and relationships are based on certain interests. Nothing happens selflessly and unconditionally.
I believe in good manners and good tone. I believe in good attitude and friendly communication. But I don’t believe in a friendship that is pure and innocent, let alone one between a woman and a man.
Thank you for reading! Namaste ♥