This post was initially posted anonymously on a “no name” blog I was writing. I no longer can sustain having multiple blogs, so I am transferring some of the content here.
You meet. You fall in love. You wish to spend together every second. You want to know everything about him/her. You are curious about their interests and hobbies. What do they like? What makes them happy? Everything about them is so exciting! You even find yourself liking things, you never liked before.
And then, when time passes, you know each other better, the fog starts lifting and you lose excitement about his/her interests. Do you not love them anymore? Is the magic over?
The magic might be over, but it doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner. You simply return to your regular self and strive for the things you did before you met your partner. Your things! Your identity! And so does your partner.
1. Let yourselves have your personal space – People can love one another, even if the things they like are completely opposite. You are not very fond of some of his friends. He is not crazy about spending an evening among your friends or with your mother. Do these things on your own. Give each other the freedom to do some of the things you love separately.
You don’t need to torture yourself with football, and your partner doesn’t need to agonize watching chick-flicks.
2. Acceptance and respect – She likes to dance, he likes to lift weights. Introduce your interests to each other, but don’t force them. You fell in love with that person, not the idea of them. You could share and talk. You could listen to your partner talking about their interests. You could disguise your lack of interest and listen, because you love them, but don’t expect them to change. And don’t allow your essence to be changed either. If your interests don’t stand on the way of your love, accept and respect the other person as they are. Or split.
3. Find things you both really like – There are certainly things in life that you both would like doing together. It is much better to spend some quality time, than your whole time together where the half of you will be inevitably suffering. You could do the effort, but if your thing is not his thing, and vice versa, why suffer?
4. Be a whole individual – People are usually attracted to strong, whole individuals with their own opinion and point of view. People can slightly change and adjust when they are part of a relationship. No relationship can survive without the help of some mutual compromise. And this is fair.
What is not fair to you and to your partner, is demanding them to change or suppress yourself and become their shadow. Neither of these paths will take you far. Your partner’s patience will end at some point. No one wants to be a marionette. No one wants to completely transform their lives when they meet their love. On the contrary, they want love to become part of their life. They want to share all those favorite things with you. And they want to become part of your life too. Part of your world. Don’t strip off your individuality in order to enter someone’s life. They want you as you are. Not the shadow left after you remove all your essence.
Adjust and adapt to your new life, but remain whole with all your interests, hobbies, peculiarities. And let your partner do the same. Time and life together, as well as your love for each other, will give you the whole wisdom how to remain together and remain whole.
Let the things you do together be full of mutual interest, fun, laughter and pleasure. And let everything else you love in life, be part of your unique self. Do those things separately, so that your life together is intriguing and interesting, and not a drag by obligation.